Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance when you’re perfectly free.”
– Rumi.
2011 New Year’s Eve:
It was around 10:30 in the night. My girl gang from back when I was 12 years old and I were seated on the rooftop of our apartment dining together, ignoring our parents who were yelling at us from below to climb down.
The New Year’s Eve Party was in full swing in our apartment complex and all the neighbours had come together to celebrate. My friends and I were still reeling from excitement for what we had planned for the night. We were dancing to some of the biggest hits of the year and had even rehearsed a play. And guess who had choreographed the entire thing? Me!
So before the clock struck twelve, we set up our performance and rocked it too! The crowd was hooting, whistling and screaming “Once more!” My friends were thrilled with the reaction and proceeded to tell everyone that it was me who planned the entire dance sequence. I was beyond ecstatic! In a single night, I went from being the nerdy bookworm of the entire batch to the girl who’s got major moves! I had great fun that night. It went exactly how I hoped it would. The moon shining brightly over us, my parents letting me stay out past my curfew, my recently unearthed dancing skills being over appreciated and me being the life of the party… It was like in a movie. The entire night. And that’s how I knew 2012 was going to be a great year.
And great it was.
2018 New Year’s Eve :
Six years had passed since I had the greatest year of my 19 year old life. Every New Year’s Eve, I tried to recreate the magic that happened during that night many years ago, in the hope of having another great year. And every year, it only went from bad to worse and this time, I had given up all hope because I wasn’t going to be spending New Year’s Eve with my family.
It was the first ever time for me, and I was disheartened. The upside to the situation, as my family put it, was I could spend the night partying with my friends. Nothing they said could shake me from my doleful reverie and I decided to just sleep in that night.But my friends were having none of it and threatened me with everything they could think of and I resigned, deciding to sulk throughout the party. But fate had another thing planned. There was definitely something in the air that night. I mean, not to be clichè, but the moment I stepped outdoors and into the grounds where the party was going on, I felt this sense of thrill. Maybe it was the euphoria all around me, or the desi beats the DJ was churning out, or the way all my friends were dancing without any care.
I danced too. After a very long time. In public. Non-stop. Recklessly. Not caring who saw me or videotaped me. Not bothering if my carefully set up image as the quiet girl was getting tarnished. We lost ourselves in the music and let our moves do the talking. That’s probably the only way to describe it. The night ended on a high note. Literally. I don’t drink, smoke or use drugs, so the only explanation as to where all this psychedelic euphoria came from had to be the hormone serotonin. My body was releasing happy hormones. The clock struck twelve, we shrieked out of happiness, hugged and wished each other, and jumped off the stage to the opening notes of a much loved rock song like true rock stars. That’s when I realised how great 2019 was going to be. It was like deja vu.
We’re now twenty nine days into the new year, and I stand by what I’d said earlier. 2019 is going to be awesome, I can feel it in my bones and the way the days have been panning out.It’s like I’m a ship, sailing on calm waters. Mackerel skies and mare’s gails, no wind or storm can rock my sails. I’m not going to lie and say that all days have been great, and that I’ve felt loved and blessed throughout. Not at all. I have felt desolate and depressed and I probably will again.
But the miracle lies in the fact that even though I fell down hard, it didn’t take long for me to get back up and keep going. I mean, I always had that problem. I was always dependent on someone or something to cheer me up and put me out of my misery, but this time around I didn’t need anybody. The best part was this: I had sent in my date of birth details to this famed astrologer over the Internet and on the 2nd of January, I received this email from her saying that this is going to be the year when I finally connect with the love of my life, and that too in a span of two weeks, and I remember thinking “Bullshit.”
But, maybe there was some truth to what she prophesied. I did meet my best friend, biggest cheerleader and true love. I met her in the mirror.This year I realised that I am not for everyone. I know my truth, I know who I am, I know what I do and do not bring to the table. I am not easy to deal with, or the best person to be friends with. I’m not always kind or wise, I’m frustrating and confusing. But I do bring tons of good things . I bring love and strength. I bring value.
I myself am made entirely of flaws, stiched together with good intentions.
– Augusten Burroughs.
This year, I realised that we are like a mirror. If we continue to starve ourselves of love, we’ll meet people who’ll starve us too. If we fill ourselves with love, the universe will only hand us those who’ll love us too.
So, to finally sum it all up, I’m asking you to love yourself. Work on yourself and love yourself as you would your child. Everything starts with how you feel about yourself and how much faith you have in yourself. This year, go solo. Learn to be independent. Learn to cut the toxic threads you’ve been tangled up in and instead, knit yourself an armor of love and comfort.
Dance like i did. With abandon. To the rhythm in your bones, that guides you to what you’re destined. You don’t need a partner. You just need a good song 😉
Without Wax,
vodkandcokeplease
Cuz, everything’s better with it 😉
P. S: This is probably the longest post I’ve written, so if you’re reading till here, THANK U, I LOVE U.
P. P. S: Listen to Lush Life by Zara Larsson and Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon whilst you re-read this. I swear you’ll get up and dance, I kid you not.
vodkandcokeplease 